Holy Shit.

I came close to drinking tonight. I was alone, walking around my neighborhood. People were out on the bars' outdoor patios, drinking on this Labor Day eve. I wanted to be sitting at one of those tables with them. I was wishing that I didn't have to do all this recovery stuff: examining my life, my motives, my actions. I wanted to be one of them: having a care-free Sunday night with no work on Monday. But I can't be one of them, can I? I gots the alcoholism, see. When I try to avoid looking at my life- and instead look for certain "pleasures" to make me feel whole- I always end up feeling so restless that I can't stand myself. It's a scary place to be. Tonight was scary, but I got through it. Though I was out of my mind there for a bit, I knew it would be okay. I knew the Universe would take care of me if I was willing to let it. I knew I just had to hold on and call a few fellows and let them know what was going on with me and my crazy head....

Holy fucking shit thank you, God.